Lost to be Found

 

Between here and there

Between you and him

Between reality and dreams

*

My whole life in search of perfection

Well knowing that life is imperfect

Yet not willing to give up the dream

Because there is always hope

*

Current lovers I miss already

Unknown lovers I admire already

Houses that never feel like home

Because home is where the heart is

*

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Lost.

*

To be found somewhere

Or going to find myself

On the path of insecurities

Is where lies the adventure

The life task to grow up

*

Wondering why willing to be

Always and all I never had nor was

Never giving in to the idea

Of being complete

Yet longing to be

*

Found.

*

What is the meaning

Of living safe and sound

As if in your arms I want to die

Or is love and paradise a lie

Lasting always only for a while

*

Running away to never come back

Not knowing where to stay

But if I may

Announce

*

That I am lost

That I would like to find

That I would like to be found

***

Julie

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Dreaming. Why not?

The further away from home, the more home I feel.
Am I escaping reality, or am I just chasing dreams?
My life isn’t about destinations, it’s about the journeys.
I’m ready for the next step, not willing to settle. At all.

Julie

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***

Many of our dreams have been crushed

Through all the negativity and what society breeds in us

We’ve all asked our self can I become?

But if the question or dream seems to big to someone else

They tell you that it can’t be done

You must be joking that’s impossible

That only happens to the lucky few

But why can’t the lucky be you

So many people like to bring up the negative

But why don’t they take out the positive

When everyone says no

You must start to say yes

Whatever you believe

Then I’m 100% sure you will achieve

Whatever you want to be, ask yourself, can I?

My answer will always be why not

(Liam Francis)

***

dream-quotes4Because the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams….

god has a bigger plan

  • 2012-2013: Studying Tourism in Belgium + Erasmus Spain
  • 2013-2014: Studying Tourism in Belgium + Internship South America + Graduating (Bachelor Degree)
  • 2014-2016: Erasmus Mundus EMTM: “European Master in Tourism Management”

2 years, 4 semesters, 4 universities, 4 destinations !!!

  1. Denmark, Kolding
  2. Slovenia, Ljubljana
  3. Spain, Gerona
  4. Denmark/Slovenia/Spain/China: Writing a Thesis

AND of course… A scholarship!!!  EMTM > more info

“All our dreams can come true… if we have the courage to pursue them.”

(Walt Disney)

A place to call home…

Where I will live the next 5 months… Some pictures:

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A (Faraway) place like this

I need an island in the sea,
Away from you away from me,
Beyond the waves beyond the wind,
Beyond the world that we live in,
Under skies of shining stars,
Away from lights and noisy cars,
Above the egos and the stress,
Beyond the world we made a mess.
A place for me a place for you,
An earth that’s green a sky that’s blue,
A place for you a place for me,
An open sky and light blue sea,
With dreams as solid as the ground,
A place like this I think I’ve found.
A happy thought no one can take it,
A place like this is where we make it.

I need a mountain in the sky,
Just beneath where angels fly,
Where snowflakes falling on the ground,
Is the most disruptive sound,
Above the waves above the wind,
Above the world that we live in,
Above my life above the stress,
Where I can lay it all to rest,
Under skies of falling snow,
Just above the world below,
Just above the trees and birds,
A place I can’t describe in words.

An empty place that’s so appealing,
How’d I get this stupid feeling?
Bad ideas come and go,
But none as potent as the snow,
I need no island in the sea,
Just the things that make me me.
I need no mountain in the sky,
Just to laugh try not to cry,
Forget these far off fantasies,
And manifest as realities,
Reach out and grab it in good time,
Seize the moment make it mine,
Catch the moment make it last.
Just be grateful when it’s past.

Sensations as real as the wind,
Try not to be sad when it ends.
A happy thought no one can take it,
A time like this is when we make it.
I need an island in the sea,
And all of that which makes me me.

Source: www.PoetryInNature.com

Because a man can’t live of his dreams…

A poetical medley of lyrics and self-written letters to the only men in the world I have ever loved so much that I can’t forget my love. This one is for the man I met on the other side of the world. We had an extraordinary, almost magical, time together. We held contact and kept dreaming. When met a few times again, knowing this was extremely special but from one day to another I decided to end it all. Because a man can’t live of his dreams and as someone said it so beautifully: “you can’t eat love.”

I still have difficulties with forgiving myself in making the decision of leaving somebody, not because I didn’t love him anymore but because of self-protection. I played the father figure I did not have, and decided for myself that I deserved better. Now I often think: who am I to think that I am that special. Maybe he was more… Anyhow, we both left in opposite directions, in search for a new life and especially in search for a new meaning of life. I guess we’ll both still searching, not able to figure it out yet…

I wish I could just meet you
meet you again so you could see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who I wanted, you really were it all

Well, now there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face
‘Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who I really really wanted, you were it all

So I just have to face now
That there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

I used to think that if I closed my eyes and imagined you were there
You would do the same and see me too
I just knew our love was true
It was the most true feeling I ever felt
It was the realest love I ever felt
But still I’ve let you go
Why, I don’t know
No, I do know but I can’t forgive myself

Because I know now how precious love is
Because when you have none, you can’t live
Baby, I can’t live without you
But life goes on
And you are already gone

Oh baby, I can’t forgive myself
I’d give my all to have
Just one more day with you
I’d risk my life to know
That you’re doing fine
Right now
‘cause I can’t go on
Living in the memory of …
Of how you lived back there

Baby, can you still feel me
Imagining I’m sitting with you at the dock
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you’re so far
Like a distant star
I’m wishing on today
That you’re okay.

Because no. No, I can’t forget that morning
Or your face as I was leaving
But I guess there is nothing do about it anymore
You always smiled…
But in your eyes your sorrow showed
Yes it showed
That for me you couldn’t be

No, I can’t forget about tomorrow
When I think of all your sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I am very sorry to be the one to let you go
That I am still very much in love with you
But it just couldn’t be true
Because it might’ve been too good to be true

But baby, just remember you’re my hero
Just look inside your heart
And see that I will always stay in there
There is always an answer, just reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know will melt away

I wish I could be here with you today
So that my hero could come along
With the strength that he made me carry on
You casted my fears aside
Oh baby, but I know you will survive
With or without me
So, when you feel like hope is gone,
Just look inside yourself and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That I still love you…
And be forever there with you…

But right now, it’s a long road, because we face the world alone
And no one reaches out a hand for us to hold…
They say you can find love if you search within yourself
And yes, I know you’re there
So the emptiness we feel can disappear…

Only Lord knows dreams are hard to follow
And we didn’t let anyone tear them away
We hold on, and there was the day,
In time we found our way…

I just hold on, because there will be tomorrow,
I just doubt you’ll find the way?

We were as one, baby
For a moment in time
The world was ours
And it seemed everlasting
You would always be mine
Then I wanted to be free
And so you’ll let me fly
Because you know in your heart
Our love will never die

Baby, thank you
You’ll aways be part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong

You weren’t crying, no
And you weren’t begging me to stay
I was determined to leave, yes
You were not standing in my way
But inevitably
I’ll want to go back again
Because I know in my heart, baby
Our love will never end

I hope that you’ll be okay one day
And your days and your nights get a little bit warmer
I know that you’ll be alright
Oh baby, believe me it’s only a matter of time

Dedicated to Venancio Vilfredo Martinez Gonzales (°29/01/1971, Roatan – Honduras)

Edited lyrics from Mariah Carey (Against All Odds, My All, Without You, Hero & Always be my baby)

A (f*cked up) Love Poem

Goodbye my friend, Goodbye my lover

Goodbye

It’s hard to say goodbye, to tell myself I don’t need you anymore

I still haven’t find out where you were stuck: in my heart of in my mind

I can’t figure it out – I lost my proud

I exchanged love for a passion, you became my toy instead of my right hand

You were my back-up plan, but you didn’t make a chance as my man

In my mind, I fucked you and I mind-fucked you

More and more

I wanted to be more, I felt more, there was nothing more

Whenever you walked out the door

I only remember two moments

On the floor, Once fucking – Once crying

 

They say 1 + 1 is 2 but together we were a fucking rollercoaster

You made me crazy

Oh yes and I was crazy about you

But damn I still wonder did I love you

Or did I love it

Feeling like a mess because of your shit

They say shit happens

And life ‘s a bitch

You’re the shit, I’m a bitch

I’m living and you just happened

Guess it was all worth it in

the end

Because now I know finally

That I was wrong and that the right thing is to leave you behind

It is time to unwind

Fuck it. Dream it. Live it.

Fuck it.
Fuck what all people say. Fuck what all people think.
Let me be me. Let you be you.

Why do I always let myself be influenced by others and especially by society?

Fuck right, fuck wrong.
Let’s make my own definition of life.
Hmm..

What about starting tomorrow, next week or next year?
Fuck it. I should’ve been started already.

“We all dream but only some wake up and work hard to make their dreams come true. Many times you’re discouraged by people around you telling you what you’re capable of doing and not and some might be harsh enough to make you feel unworthy of yourself.

When someone tells you that your dream will be impossible to come true, tell them you do not know what impossible is!

When someone laughs at your dream and says that you’re uneducated to achieve it tell them that many of the genius people who changed the world were also uneducated!

Always dream your dreams big and do everything you possibly can to make your dream come true! If you do not will to take the first step, you will never be able to climb up the staircase.” (squidoo.com)

Amen!!! 😉

Damn, I just realised I made a big mistake by choosing security above living my dream.
And damn, I did that too often already.
What about you? Do you dare to be honest with yourself admitting you did / do the same?
And even more, are you willing to change? Are you willing to give security up for your dreams?
How much are your dreams worth? Or are they only just a dream?

Think about it…

Flow?!

But I guess not all days can go easy. That’s just life…
Let’s do a small update:

I still haven’t got a farm to go grape picking. There is one that supposed to call me one of these days but I didn’t hear from them yet. Than, yesterday, by coincidence, I met some old friends again and had dinner. I told them about my plans and they told me they know some farmers and they called some. They might even go with me with their mobilhome, all great but I’m becoming impatient… Please somebody:: bite my bait please!!

My cat is better. Fortunately. But still doesn’t eat well.

This evening I read my mailbox: I received a job offer on which I supposed to answer this afternoon, I guess. Because during the weekend they are closed and on Monday they are supposed to decide who gets the job. Oh my god, why haven’t I answer this mail before? They offer an administration job at an expedition company for € 1671 for a month!!!! (About 2000 USD)

And above all, it started raining again .. Pff!

Well, I guess it’s not my day today. Hopefully some good things are on their way…

But to give this post a positive message after all:

I guess you have to go with the flow. Swimming against the waves, has never brought anyone quickly ashore….

Bless you, my friends.

Welcome

Dear friends, Dear world,

Welcome on my first blog ever. I decided to make this blog because I overloaded Facebook. There was and is so much crossing my mind, crossing my way, crossing my life and my journey. And there is simply too much experience to share. Probably, there is no better place than a blog to do this. It makes me able to put my thoughts and creativity somewhere. I feel like I will have to kick off from ‘likes’ and ‘reactions’ and ‘notifications’ and ‘messages’ and ‘friending’ and ‘defriending’ but… It is definately time for something new. Well, actually, I think it is always a good time for something new. That’s something you will notice soon as you keep on reading / following this blog.

I wish you a lot of fun and good times here, and I hope to hear your comments.
And let me end by saying…:

“From Julie with Love.”